A Johnkat exercise
by tortoiseshellKelpie
Summary: My Friend and I are working on a JohnKat colab. This was a lot of fun! I typed as John and she did Karkat and Sollux. (She does a really good Sollux fyi.) John is a derp and Karkat gets mad.This is a rough draft of conversations for the second chapter in her fic Love Him, you can find that on AO3 under Arniss Akarid (Dwinarnith). Minimal editing sorry if its hard to read.
1. Chapter 1

-tortoiseshellKelpie [TK] began trolling spectralLabradorite [SL]-

TK: Hello miss ariel!

SL: Will you be John?

TK: yes ma'am

SL: I will be Karkat

-carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB]-

CG: HEY JOHN ARE YOU THERE?

CG: EGBERT!?

EB: Hey Karkat!

EB: What's up?

CG: UH NOTHING MUCH.

CG: HEY I WANTED TO DISCUSS YESTERDAY...

EB: Oh... ya. hehe, that was an awesome party! Am I right or am I right?

CG: I GUESS

CG: IF YOU CONSIDER SHENANIGANS AND DUMBFUCKERY AWESOME WHICH IS THE WRONG USE OF THAT WORD YOU IGNORAMUS

CG:BUT I MEANT THE END OF THE PARTY

EB: Right. things got kind of awkward there. Um...

EB: I'm not really sure how drunk I was. I mean no offense Karkat.

CG: DO YOU... REMEMBER ANYTHING?

CG: ABOUT... WHAT HAPPENED?

EB: I remember you passing out... and...Sollux thought it would be a good idea if I took off your clothes...

EB: Something about a fever...

EB: That was apparently not true... I think you yelled at me for that.

CG: YES. I DID. BECAUSE YOU ARE A MORON FOR LISTENING TO THAT LISPING DOUCHE.

CG: BUT... DO YOU REMEMBER ANYTHING ELSE?

CG: ABOUT US... DOING STUFF TOGETHER?

EB: Oh... OH! That's what you're getting at...

EB: Uh, please don't be angry about that.

EB: It was just a kiss... I'm sorry if it was like, taking advantage or something. Like I said I was pretty drunk.

CG: JOHN

CG: YOU MEANT TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME DIDN'T YOU?

EB: What?!

EB: No!

EB: Nononononononono!

EB: Karkat I wouldn't ever do anything like that!

EB: I mean we're palhonchos, remember?

CG: YEAH. I REMEMBER.

CG: I AM PISS DRUNK MAD AT YOU FOR THAT. YOU FUCKING KISSED ME.

CG: WHY DID YOU KISS ME JOHN?

CG: AND DON'T SAY YOU WERE FUCKING DRUNK. THAT HAS ALREADY BEEN ESTABLISHED.

EB:Look... I'm sorry.

EB: I don't want this to ruin our friendship. I...

EB: I'm really not sure why... that... happened.

EB:Please please please don't be mad!

CG: TOO LATE.

CG: I JUST SAID THAT I AM PISS DRUNK MAD AT YOU.

CG: YOU MAKE ME SO FUCKING MAD JOHN. I'M TIRED OF HOW OBNOXIOUSLY UNAWARE YOU ARE ABOUT LITERALLY EVERYTHING.

CG: DO YOU REALLY HAVE NO IDEA WHY YOU KISSED ME?

CG:JOHN?

CG: HELLO?

CG: EARTH TO EGBERT!

CG: I ASKED YOU A FUCKING QUESTION

EB: Gosh. I just really don't know how to respond.

EB: I'm banging my head against the wall here. I think that, besides the obvious.

EB: Maybe... God damnit Karkat. I can't put it into words very well.

CG: OKAY JOHN LET ME HELP YOU

CG: YOU KISSED ME WHILE I WAS NAKED ON YOUR BED COVERED IN FUCKING ICE

CG: AND THEN YOU LEFT WITH DAVE TO WATCH ERIDAN AND SOLLUX BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER WHILE I SAT ON YOUR BED HOLDING MYSELF AND CRYING LIKE A WIGGLER WISHING I HAD THE GUTS TO CULL MYSELF BECAUSE THE UNIVERSE MUST REALLY FUCKING HATE ME.

CG: I FUCKING KISSED YOU BACK JOHN.

CG: AND YOU DON'T REMEMBER.

CG: I LOATH YOU.

EB: Wow.

EB: Uh...

EB: Karkat. I can't even begin to express how sorry I am for everything. I had absolutely no idea I that I was causing you this much pain.

EB: I don't want that.

EB: The thing is, I guess for a while now... I've been trying to... organize my thoughts, and I know you're going to say that there aren't any thoughts in my head to organize... but perhaps what I'm getting at is that I've been sort of thinking that we might have the potential to be something more than just friendleaders...

EB: I guess now it's too late though. huh.

EB: I must have blown my chances at ever figuring this out.

CG:...

CG: JOHN

CG: THAT IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS. HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY KNOW WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY?

CG: HOW CAN YOU... YOU...

CG: HOW

CG: FUCK

CG: JUST FUCK

CG: GOD DAMMIT

EB: Karkat?

EB: I need to know what's wrong.

CG: JOHN

CG: JOHN JOHN JOHN JOHN JOHN JOHN

CG: JOHN EGBERT NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH KARKAT

CG: IS KARKAT SAD? IS HE HAPPY? DOES HE WANT TO STRANGLE JOHN UNTIL HIS HUMAN GANDERBULBS BULGE OUT OF THEIR ORBITALS? WHAT'S WRONG WITH KARKAT!?

CG: EVERYONE WANTS TO FUCKING KNOW!

CG: YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME FUCKASS?

CG: WELL I'LL TELL YOU JOHN.

CG: ALL OF THE FUCKING HORSHIT YOU AND YOUR DUMFUCKERY PUTS ME THROUGH HAS CAUSED ME TO CONTEMPLATE RIPPING OUT MY OWN BLOODPUSHER AND WATCHING IT WRITHE ON THE DESOLATE GROUND WHILE I CONTEMPLATE THE END OF MY MEANINGLESS EXISTENCE BECAUSE MUTANT SHITS LIKE ME OBVIOUSLY DON'T HAVE HAPPY ENDINGS.

CG: WHAT ELSE WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW JOHN?

CG: WOULD IT QUENCH YOUR BUSY BODY NOSE TO KNOW THAT YOU'RE MY FIRST FLUSH CRUSH?

CG: OH YEAH AND IN CASE IT WASN'T BLATANT ALREADY

CG: I'M FLUSHED FOR YOU IN THE REDDEST SENSE

CG: OOO HOW ABOUT THIS? I HAVE DREAMS ABOUT YOU RAPING ME

CG: I LIKE THOSE DREAMS JOHN.

CG: I WANT YOU TO FUCKING RAPE ME

CG: FUCK ME JOHN

CG: ARE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE EGBERT?

CG: GOOD!

CG: ROT IN HELL YOU PESTILENT FUCK

CG: FUCK YOU

-carcinoGeneticist [CG] has ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB]-

EB: … Shit...

-ectoBiologist [EB] has ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]-


	2. Chapter 2

-twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB]-

TA: hey uh john

TA: john ii need to talk two you a2ap

EB: Uh, hi...

TA: ii'm goiing two try two be ciiviil about thii2

TA: ii thiink you broke KK and that'2 not okay wiith me

EB: Is he that bad?

EB: God, I feel absolutely awful about this whole thing.

EB: I don't know what to do...

TA: yeah iit'2 not pretty

TA: he'2 not re2pon2iive and ii have no fuckiing clue what two do wiith hiim he'2 ju2t layiing on the floor 2tariing. ii even kiicked hiim. he just grunted.

TA: iit'2 2cariing the 2hiit out of me

EB: Oh man.

EB: Fuck... this is all my fault. I'm such an ass...

TA: ii'm u2ually the a22hat but you've defiiniitely taken that tiitle

TA: part of me want2 two tear you two 2hred2 wiith p2iiioniic2 but ii'm more worriied about KK than ii am about my own need two kiill you.

TA: ba2iically ii need you two help me fiix my be2t friiend and ii gue22 ii can alway2 murder you iif you faiil

EB: I think that sounds completely fair... Shit...

EB: Should I come over or something?

EB: I feel like crawling out from under this rock I'm hiding beneath will result in my death anyway. Either by your hands or someone elses...

TA: iit miight re2ult iin your death but KK need2 you and that'2 a rii2k ii'm wiiliing to take

TA: be2iide2 you don't really get a say con2iideriing thii2 ii2 your fault two begiin wiith

EB: Fuck your right. What's the plan here?

TA: of cour2e ii'm riight

TA: anyway2, you're goiing two come over two our hiive and help me scrape KK'2 a22 off hii2 floor and iif we can't get hiim two do 2omethiing coherent ii'm thiinking ho2piital

EB: Alright. I'll be there in 30 minutes.

TA: door'2 unlocked

-twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling ectoBiologist-

The house seems empty. You guess Sollux and Karkat are back in Karkat's respite block. The door is cracked and your heart starts to beat faster, but is sinking at the same time... It's tempting to just turn around and leave. You take a deep breath and tap the door with your knuckles.

"Sollux? You back here?"

"KK pleathe? You can even make me your bitch. How doeth that thound? All you have to do ith get up, thay thomething jutht...thit KK I'm gonna kill Egbert if you don't come out of thith okay."

You must not have knocked loud enough. Sollux hasn't noticed you.

"Fucking dammit KK get up!"

"Um... Hey... Still no change?"

"Thank fucking god. I wath about to zap him again."

"I don't think that'd really do anything. When we were talking he kept saying some sort of cynical things..."

You look away, the image of karkat laying unresponsive is sort of disturbing.

"That'th jutht KK. He'th alwayth like that."

You hear something shifting.

"Hey fuckath I brought you the queen of fairy land and the'th going to kith you and make it better. Ithn't that right your majethy?"

"Uh... yeah..."

Your face flushes at the thought.

Looking around you notice Karkat's chair has been tipped over... It looks as if he just fell out of it and decided not to get up. You imagine that it must have happened after he signed off. You proceed to feel more like a piece of shit.

As Sollux stands up Karkat curls a little bit more in on himself... at least he's not as comatose as you thought.

"Anytime princeth"

You give a little nod and kneel down next to the smaller troll's imobile frame.

"Karkat? Can you hear me?"

There isn't a visual response, but you feel like he tensed up more. Honestly if your opinion of yourself drops any lower it will have managed to find it's way to the other side of the planet.

"I am so sorry. I have to be the biggest fuck up on the planet, no both our planets, to have gone this long and not have seen what was going on."

"Don't forget hell Egbert. You're the biggetht athole there too."

"I deserved that. I deserve every insult anyone has ever thrown at me. I am the worst. It is me."

"Quit beating yourthelf up and focuth. KK moved when you admitted what an ath you are. Do that again."

"While it is true that I am an ass and unworthy piece of shit, the focus shouldn't be on me. Karkat, you need to snap out of this. I'm sorry I was oblivious to all of your feelings... all the signs. I think I knew and just never acted on it, because I was oblivious to my own. I know now that I should have just sucked it up and stopped with this internal struggle I had. I should have just asked you out."

Your wringing your hands on your lap. not sure what to do with them. You opt to place a hand on his shoulder. maybe just touching him will create a response.

He growls.

"theriouthly KK? Fuck your melodramatic thit. I fucking zapped you! You couldn't have managed a rethponthe then? You thcared the thit out of me!"

Karkat mumbles something in a very low voice.

You lean in closer. "What?"

"I said, get the fuck away from me."

"Karkat, all I want to do is help."

"Well you can take your 'help' and shove it up your nook..."

You don't move away.

"I don't NEED your pity John... get your fucking hand off me and leave."

Of course you don't. You know you're asking for it now, but you can't get up yet. Not until you're sure He's ok.

This was apparently the exact wrong thing to say. The growl Karkat is making has now become angry enough that even Sollux is startled out of his relaxed pose against the wall. At the exact moment you notice Karkat is moving your flung back against the floor.

"I SAID DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!"

"Woah Karkat! please don't do anything drastic. I'll leave if that's what you want!"

The seering troll is now leaning over you one hand on either side of your head. He snarls.

"You NEVER fucking listen John."

Everything happens a little too quickly for you to understand to get a clear picture of it. Karkat had lunged forward and his dagger teeth sank into your shoulder, pain tearing through your arm and neck.

The next instant the teeth are gone. the crackle of electricity fills the air and Karkat is laying against the wall on the other side of the room. really looking unconscious this time.

"Fucking chill KK! Jegus Fuck... John are you okay?"

You just lay there. In shock for the second time tonight.

Sollux kneels down and waves a bony hand in your face.

"John? Oh thit you're bleeding. Fuck."

You laugh. Of all the responses you could have to what just happened, you laugh... hysterically. The pain in your shoulder gets worse and you can feel the blood soaking the collar of your shirt. You manage to calm down enough to look at Karkat's slumped over figure.

"I think we need to go to the hospital after all."

Sollux gets up and walks out of view. You can't look away from Karkat. He comes back and hands you a towel. You chuckle and wonder who's towel it is.

"I know you're probably in thock right now but that'th not gonna work for me. I need you to try coherenthy long enough for me to get you both in my car."

"Can't you just carry us with your psychic electricity thing?"

"Pthionicth. And yeah I gueth I could. But considering how pithed I am right now, I might athidently kill you. I probably won't kill KK, but thinthe you're helping me anywath it'th probably betht I don't uthe them around you."

"Well then, I guess I should get up."

You throw the towel over your shoulder and tie it across your chest. It doesn't help much, but at least you won't be bleeding all over the place. stumbling, you manage to get on your feet and walk over to Karkat.

"Come on, before I bleed out."

"Okay, take hith other arm. On the count of three we're gonna- oh thit."

"Wait... Shit what? what's wrong?"

"I threw KK a little too hard. The back of hith head'th bleeding."

"Fuck. Uh... do we need another towel? Should we call an ambulance? I don't know, this is bad isn't it? like _bad_-bad?"

"Fuck towelth. It'th the concuthion I'm worried about. The anbulanthe will come from the fire thtation. The hothpital'th only ten minuteth away and I plan on rithking a thpeeding ticket."

"Well then lets put some hep in our step and get a move on!"

You reach down a grab Karkat's arm planning on dragging him outside by yourself if needs be.

"John move." Sollux grabs under Karkat's arm and lifts him onto his back with a grunt. "Come on, I can't carry you both."


End file.
